I'm leaving your town, again.

Have to stop getting too close.
It always leaves me feeling empty, almost hollow, when it all ends.
But i always return to the same Place.

You hit me hard today (by accident).
You apologised non-stop and for a moment we were like before.
Sure, we were laughing and i was secretly indulging in the moment we were physically (and hopefully mentally) close again.
But you never did realise how much harder you hit me in the heart when you turned your back on me and became a stranger i never knew.
That was the worst days of my life.
You should stop being so comfortably close with me.
It's not good for you or me or us.
This is harder than i thought.
I need someone.

Funny thing is, i always get someone.
But it always turns out to be the wrong one.
And i can't push them away because i need the comfort.
I'm a selfish bitch.
Really am.
I hate myself.
Why is it so fucking hard to be self-sufficient.

" I've changed."
" A lot."
" Haven't i?"
" Because even i don't recognise myself anymore. "

These kept ringing in my head the whole night.
I wanted to find someone to ask.
To give me an answer.
Someone who had stuck with me long enough and would know.
But i couldn't think of anyone.
No one.

"Have you ever looked yourself in the mirror being unable to cry?
It happened to me during one period when I was a 13year old.
I couldn't understand that something that something that ugly could exist in this planet."

I felt better back then.
Better than anything now.

You are a disappointment.

And i was a fool to think.

Selfish, i am.

But you weren't any better.

I need to see you again, Strange/Awkward boy.
One night in a crowded room, isn't enough.
Please just miraculously appear tomorrow.
Everything else is driving me nuts.
You're the one good thing left in this town.
I think.